Almost one year later and what has changed?...

I'm still looking for something, myself, the world. The meaning of life, maybe.

And still completely clueless to what am I doing here...

me, me, me

Me needs me time now... :)

Happy new year

New year: new hope of a new life.
I love a fresh new start, nothing beats the thrill of a blank page. Just imagine the possibilities...

Some people (I'd say most people) fear changes. They fear the unknown that changes bring and are too comfortably numb in the dark to dare come outside and look. I, on the other hand, feel uneasy when I start feeling too comfortable, too familiar with my surroundings, with nothing left to explore. It makes my feet itch and then I know it's time to move on and find the next new blank page to fill.
It is a roaming existence and an uncertain one, but it is the only one that makes me feel alive.

Mistakes

How many times do I need to suffer the consequences of making the same mistake in order to finally learn the lesson?
Sometimes I just can't seem to learn... I do the same stupid mistake over and over again, keep banging my head against the wall until I start painfully bleeding, and still I'll go and do it all over again the very next day.
Why? What is this irrational behavior that prevents me from learning not to take that road again?
Some people call it love... right now, in this sleepless insomnia state I'm (once again) in, I can only call it stupid and irrational obsession.
It becomes an obsession when it prevents you from having a normal life over a long period of time. It has been way too long for me now...
An excruciatingly long period of time, with nothing but pain and sorrow to account for in the end.
Lessons learned? Probably a few... although none seems to come to mind right now.
I'm sure I'll be able to see the big picture, with time, and realize all the valuable life lessons I've gained with all this. Even if at the moment, it all just seems a great big waste of time...

Death and Taxes

Life is full of doubts, uncertainties, unknown scary things. Running away from them is running away from life itself. And that is as certain as death and taxes (which are in fact the only true certainties in life).

"Do one thing every day that scares you", goes the song.

Facing your fears will make you grow into a bigger, better person. It will allow you to discover new and fantastic things about life, things you'd never imagine existed.
It is scary, and it involves risk. The higher the risk, the higher the thrill. Love is the greatest risk of all, with the highest reward. As William Parrish so well put it in "Meet Joe Black":

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

Lonely

Lost and learning is how I feel most of the days. But today, I mostly feel lost and lonely. There are many lessons to be learned while we are lonely, but right now, I'm not feeling as if I'm learning anything new. It has become a well-known feeling for me, and no longer a pleasant one. There have been times when I would enjoy the loneliness, even craving it. But today, i just feel lonely... in a very lonely kind of way.